Stacey Sewell Counselling

With the Christmas countdown firmly underway, many people will be starting to feel their stress levels ramping up.

Feeling overwhelmed can be a miserable and lonely experience, impacting your enjoyment of the festive season. In my work as a counsellor I’ve often helped people to explore where their stress comes from and find ways to live with more ease. I’ve put together a few tips for coping with Christmas. I hope you find them helpful.

Make a list

If things are feeling too much, try a different take on a Christmas tradition and have a go at making some Christmas lists. Making a list can help you to prioritise, while crossing things off as you do them can help give you a sense of achievement. Writing things down can help you to see things from a different perspective, too.

You can be creative with this – alongside the conventional ‘to do’ list or shopping list, you could try listing what you enjoy least about Christmas (perhaps also crossing those things off your ‘to do’ list without doing them). You could list the people you could ask for help with Christmas tasks. Or you might like to make a list of TV shows you might enjoy for a quick self-care break. If you’re looking to seed deeper change, perhaps have a go at making a list of all the messages (from your family or the media, for example) that have shaped what you feel you need to do at Christmas. Do you agree with them all? You might find it helpful to talk these through with a trusted friend or counsellor.

Share the gifts of imperfection

If I could give my clients a Christmas gift, it would be permission to be imperfect. I’d love to offer that to you, too. Many people struggle with perfectionism year-round and the added pressures that Christmas brings can make the festive season particularly intense. Remember though, things don’t need to be perfect for people to have a great time, and you don’t need to be perfect either.

People often find that sharing their vulnerabilities or mistakes with each other helps them to feel closer. I love admiring all the perfect trees, table settings and gift wrap I see on Instagram. I love the creativity and skill behind it all. But it’s the friend who sends me a funny video of her dog ‘unwrapping’ the gifts under her tree on the 23^rd December, and calls me in tears of frustration at having to wrap them all again, that I feel close to. Perhaps you’re the same. Perhaps your friends feel the same towards you.

Open conversations

Christmas can be so busy that it’s easy to keep pushing on through, planning and organising, decorating and wrapping. It’s easy to make assumptions about people’s expectations and spend time you don’t have doing things you don’t need to do. Talking with people about what they really want, and being realistic and open about what you’re able to offer, can help to lower stress levels.

Someone I know used to spend hours cooking an elaborate and time-consuming recipe every year. No one in her family liked this dish, including her. She made it because she worried she needed to impress people. The courage to ask open questions and offer kind but honest answers can sometimes help to free you from habits that have become burdens. And you’ve probably guessed: this doesn’t just apply to cooking Christmas dinner!

Sadly, sometimes it can be difficult to have these conversations. Your best efforts might be met with indifference or criticism. If this happens then be sure to connect with yourself with compassion and offer yourself the care and support you’d offer to a friend. Reach out for support if you need it.

Play board games not mind games

Not everyone is blessed with the warm, loving family portrayed in lots of Christmas adverts, yet many people experience pressure to get together with relatives and at least look like a perfect family for these few days each December.

You might have relatives who try to ‘play games’ with you. Someone in your family might be a skilful manipulator, or someone might find it hard to take responsibility for their actions and attempt to draw you in to a game of  ‘now look what you made me do!’ At times like this it can be helpful to remember that while you can’t always influence their behaviour, you can have a say in how you respond. You have the choice not to join them in their game.

Even the closest of families can sometimes become too much for each other during the festivities. It can be helpful to distinguish between what is and isn’t within your control so that you’re not wasting effort on trying to change things you can’t change, or beating yourself up for failing.

Feed your soul

With all the pressure to think about others (especially for parents and others with caring responsibilities) it can be easy to become disconnected from yourself. It’s okay for you to have needs and desires of your own. Try to find time for yourself to do something that nourishes and restores you. You can’t pour from an empty cup, however pressured you feel to do so.

Perhaps you’re in a situation where you’re facing a Christmas that isn’t the Christmas you’re hoping for. That can be very difficult and stressful, especially if you aren’t able to share your true feelings with those around you. You might find it helpful to find just a moment, however small, that brings you something of value, or something that meets your needs, however briefly. This might be a moment of connection, the look on a child’s face as they unwrap their presents, or just a private wish for a brighter future.

If you are struggling with stress, counselling can help you to reflect on what’s causing it and help you to find strategies to ease the pressure. It can help you to explore how your relationships with yourself and others impact your life in helpful or harmful ways, and all they ways in between. Get in touch if you’d like to find out more – I’d love to hear from you.