Stacey Sewell Counselling

In my work as a counsellor I spend quite a bit of time thinking about what leads to change. People often come to see me because they’d like something to change, and it’s important to me to reflect both with them, and in my work more broadly, about ethical ways I can help and support them. I think about what helps people bring about change within themselves (helping them to cope with or recover from anxiety or depression, for example). I think about how I can best help people cope with changes in their lives. And I explore what’s needed to support people who are trying to bring about change in the wider world.

I was walking along Union Street in Plymouth recently and this mural caught my eye and stopped me in my tracks.

Written across a boarded up building, the large silver writing says, ‘Making change needs creativity, love and care.’ I like this list a lot. If I had to choose only three things to make change I’d probably choose these three, especially if I think of them as broad categories that encompass related (sometimes contradictory) ideas:

Creativity – nurturing a capacity to see how things might be different; different ways of seeing how things are; testing out ways and means of achieving aims or goals; experimentation; playfulness; resourcefulness.

Love – connections with ourselves and others (including our environment or non-human others); acceptance; making space for warmth, attachment and intimacy.

Care – attention to people and processes; awareness of impact (of action and inaction); acknowledgement of power dynamics; compassion; allowing things to matter.

There’s also a fourth element in the picture that resonates with my experience of change: the dustbins. Although they’re blocking the text, and perhaps making my picture less ‘perfect’, I like that the bins are there. They reminded me that change almost always requires something to be let go of, recycled or repurposed. So I’d add a fourth thing to the list, if I could:

Loss – identifying what no longer serves us; making space to say goodbye; acceptance of things that are difficult or unwanted (letting go, sometimes, of ease or comfort); a safe space to fail; being with the unknown (loss of certainty); liberation; mourning, grieving or marking important milestones; setting free.

Each of these elements (creativity, love, care and letting go) show up in counselling in different ways for different people; sometimes they’re at the heart of the therapeutic relationship, sometimes they’re mentioned in passing, a fleeting glimpse into another part of a person’s life (for me or for them). Sometimes counselling is a space to reflect and think together about a situation. Sometimes it’s an opportunity to learn more about oneself or others, or experience something new. Often it’s a mix – a mix of talking, thinking, experimenting, creating, caring. I collaborate with each person I work with to create a therapy that’s unique to them, thinking about their needs and goals, and meeting them where they’re at.

In my years as a counsellor I’ve been lucky to witness many people make or bring about positive change, and many people get through, and grow through, unsought change.

There’s no right or wrong way, and change can be subtly or radically different for each person and each situation.

What has helped (or hindered) making change in your experience? Are there elements of making change that you might need some help with?

Do reach out if you’re feeling stuck or alone with things. Let’s make space for change and fill it with creativity and care.

Stacey

p.s. My thanks to Nudge Community Builders for an inspiring mural! You can read more about their exciting plans for the building on their website.